5 Simple Ways

We can start by taking a look at our own self-regulating strategies. Here are 5 simple, but effective ways for adults to improve their own self-regulation skills:

1. Breathe deeply. When stressed, it is a natural human response to take short, shallow breaths. Stop for a moment and take three to ten slow, deep breaths.
2. Drink water. Our nervous systems are far more sensitive when we are dehydrated. Stay hydrated to stay calm.
3. Pause. Just take a moment to pause and center yourself. Place your hand over your heart; practice this throughout the day. It is a great model for children to see you doing this.
4. Think. Bring to mind what you love about the child or a successful experience with the child. This releases positive neurotransmitters to balance out negative brain chemicals produced by frustration and stress. Yes, amazingly we can even self-regulate our own nervous systems.
5. Visualize. See the positive outcome in your mind. Practice visualization; it is a very powerful and effective tool not to be underestimated. Source Age of Montessori

Three Types of Self-Control

There are three core types of self-regulation: emotional, cognitive, and social. Emotional self-control is based mainly on our ability to calm down in the face of anger and frustration. Cognitive self-regulation boils down to our problem-solving abilities. And then there is Social self-control, meaning our capacity to refrain from just saying whatever pops into our mind, especially when those thoughts are of the not-so-kind variety.

How can I help him help himself? How can I guide him to concentrate better? to hold his tongue? to control his outbursts? 

we can teach children self-control skills through the following tried-and-true techniques:

Get down on the child’s level. Standing over the child can make them feel overwhelmed; kneeling down creates safety.

• Give Empathy. Feeling heard and understood is a core need that we all have. When we take the time to empathize, children feel understood, which in turn helps them recognize and regulate their emotions.
• Match the child’s emotional tone. Get to a place where you can understand the child’s emotion and match that emotion with your tone of voice. This creates emotional resonance, helping the child to feel heard and understood. Mirror for the child what you see. That emotion with your tone of voice. This creates emotional resonance, helping the child to feel heard and understood. Mirror for the child what you see.
• Give them time. Remain open and loving to the child’s perspective and experience. Slow down and honor the moment. Let go of the idea that the child’s emotions can be changed for our own convenience.
• Let them play. Children need unstructured time. Children should have at least 2.5 to 3 hours a day to make independent choices and to be in charge of their own experiences. Remember that children learn through playing! Source Age of Montessori.

What do studies show?

Self-regulation is an essential aspect of overall emotional intelligence. People with self-regulating skills cope better with life’s stresses. They make better decisions because they listen to their own inner voice instead of external influences. 

Studies show that children who are taught to self-regulate have higher academic success, better physical health, lower divorce rates, and are less likely to suffer addictions as adults. 

In a review by Adele Diamond and Lee Kathrine,   research results compared various activities and curricula that have been shown to improve children’s executive function, including computerized training, aerobic exercise, martial arts and mindfulness practices, and classroom

curricula including Montessori education - Montessori approach is shown to meet more criteria for the development of executive function. See Source Article: Interventions Shown to Aid Executive Functin Development in Children 4 to 12 Years Old. 

Self-regulation is a journey

But it is essential to remember that self-regulation is not an arriving point in children’s development, but a journey. Children learn self-regulation gradually and through many sources and strategies. One key source is, through imitation of the adult role models in their lives. Therefore, role modeling these strategies is absolutely vital both for your children and for yourself. Central to all those are executive functions (creativity, flexibility, self-control, and discipline) including mentally playing with ideas, giving a considered rather than a compulsive response, and staying focused. 

Executive Functioning - What does it mean in actual life?

Often people who seek to help a child improve his self control and self regulation suggest the term Executive Functioning. What does it mean in actual life? Would it help me to know it, and help a child that has difficulty regulating behavior or emotions? Central to all those  ability to Self Regulate are executive functions (creativity, flexibility, self-control, and discipline) including mentally playing with ideas, giving a considered rather than a compulsive response, and staying focused.

To read the full article: 

https://impactparents.com/blog/adhd/can-you-actually-improve-your-childs-executive-function/